there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
