whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just threw up on my dentist
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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