I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
