My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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