i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Church boner. Awkwardddd
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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