So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
