I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So apparently I’m into choking now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
