Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
