after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize