Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize