I am spending my child support on dildos
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
