ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm at about main and main street
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
