he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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