I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
