I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
