Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize