I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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