if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
