Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Your cock deserves a montage
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
