the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
