I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize