and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
