dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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