I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
