Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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