if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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