I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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