Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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