She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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