garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
splinters make it hard to masturbate
a search helicopter?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
