Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
