ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
