I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
