you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think people are normalizing furries
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
