I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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