Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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