I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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