Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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