If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize