Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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