she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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