I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize