the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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