JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
