Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
