apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
