the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
