i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
