I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You made out with two different species that night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
