and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
