i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
