i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
