is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
