Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
