i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
