I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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