Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
