Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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