Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
