OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
