plz talk dirty to me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
