We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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