So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
