I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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