My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
