a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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