oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize