I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
