I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
