Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
