i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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