She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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