Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
