their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I accidentally burped into my bong.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
