Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
