I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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