so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize