if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
