My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
