Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
