I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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