Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
