I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
