Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
