she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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