i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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