Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
