She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize