I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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