i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
