Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize