My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize