Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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