i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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