I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
