I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
