We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
